Interstate 10 – sign in Santa Monica, California, USA (photo (c) Ulrike Boehm; all rights reserved)
Good old Polonius. He might not be a candidate for the award as the world's most understanding father, but he sure has that "And listen, boy, remember ..." part in leave-taking down pat as well as the best of them. Hands up, folks, anybody out there who has never heard any of the following? (Women substitute appropriate admonishments from their mothers):
Yet here, Laertes? Aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for.
What are you doing, still dawdling around here, son? Go on, get out of here – you're going to miss your plane (train/bus/ride/[insert appropriate means of transportation])!
There – my blessing with thee!
Here's a hug.
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character.
And remember, will ya'?
Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Do yourself a favour and think before you open your big mouth – or before you do anything really, really stupid, for that matter.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar:
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.
Also, don't forget, there's a difference between drinking buddies and real friends. If you know you can trust a guy, well then, better hold on to his friendship – there aren't that many of them out there. But just because someone is fun to hang around with, that doesn't mean you should tell them where you're keeping your cash ... or what exactly you did with that girl you met last summer. (Yes, sure I knew. But that's okay ...)
Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel; but being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Oh, and speaking of which, don't let every idiot with a score to settle drag you into some sort of fist fight or other kind of pissing contest. But if it can't be avoided ... you better make it a good one, you hear me, son? Don't sell yourself too cheaply.
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice;
Another thing, people like to talk more than they like to listen. So always let others finish – and then think twice whether your opinion on the matter is really what's been asked for.
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
By the same token, you really gotta learn how to deal with criticism, boy. It's not always unjustified, you know. And before you yourself judge others, at least make sure you know all the facts, okay?
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are most select and generous, chief in that.
Also ... look, no offence, and I know we've been over this before, but do you really have to run around in these raggedy jeans all the time? See, around here people know you, so it doesn't really make a difference. And I mean, for Heaven's sake, don't start dressing up like some sort of fairy. But for all I know, where you're going you'll be meeting a few people who'd be shocked to learn you don't even own a single suit. So might I suggest you remedy that when you get there? Just a thought ...
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
On a related matter, try to keep an eye on your expenses, will you? See, generosity sure is going to make you popular, but it'll also make people try and pump you for money ... and that's probably the last you'll see of those people and your cash. On the other hand, you better learn to leave within your means – you wouldn't want to end up in those other people's predicament yourself, would you?
This above all – to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
But most of all – just be yourself, okay? You're going to be just fine as long as you don't try to pretend you're someone that you really are not.
Farewell. My blessing season this in thee!
Now get the hell out of here! Have a good trip ... take care, and don't forget what I just told you, alright?
Copyright 2002 – 2009: Ulrike Böhm, all rights reserved.